So this past Friday, June 6th (right after a fantastic show by Billy Jam) Killing Time with Bronwyn C’s show started promptly on time-but with a twist! This episode was wholly dedicated to what is normally just a segment on her show; “Douche of the Week.” In, said segment, she reads the fans some news item about some human being (from anywhere in the world) who has gone above and beyond the call of duty to display the worst attributes of their humanity. Almost always it’s never damage the only affects the perpetrator, but something the spills if not ejects to the people around them. In my mind these people are just asses, but to Bronwyn these people are “douches.” So the title of the show was “Douche of the Week Bracketology Special!” And I can probably safely guess she knows nothing about my spoof website form late 1999 “The Temple of Davidology.” But before I go on let me give you a link to the show’s podcast AND playlist . The playlists at WFMU may be one of the more unique things they’ve got going over there; the listeners can actually comment as the DJ adds information. It’s interactive-as the kids say. So you can see my comments and all the other people’s too as we voiced our opinions and casts our votes. Oh, this DJ’s got a lot on the ball, she even wrote a book or 2 a few years ago…
Bronwyn chose 16 people and the goal was to whittle down to number 1 via pairing up 2 at a time and voting. She gave each grouping a name too, like the Stinky Sixteen, the Terrible Two. I forget 8 and 4, but it might have been Frightful Four. And the names of the “contestants” are sort of all there on the playlist. And as a listening I have to say; it was a captivating hour. And half of that was because you didn’t know if there was going to be enough time, and the other half was trying to cast a vote in time before they made a decision. But the odd thing that revealed itself as we listened to one horrible act after another was that people do bad things, and after a while you kind of divide that bad activity into 2 categories; people who just don’t give a fuck about anybody else, and people who clearly have “problems.” Some people DO overlap (like my horrible ex-girlfriend) but when you look at bad behavior you DO start to think in terms of “is he evil or just stupid ?” Classic and perfect example; George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. Isn’t it clear which side of the divide each of these guys fall on?
But all that only brings us to the winner of this contest Judge Roy Pearson Jr . A few weeks back I wrote about how a lot of black people like myself have to live in this sort of constant fear that when we turn on the news somebody black is going to be doing something…black. And yeah, I know the country is going apeshit for Obama. But that’s 6 months out of my nearly 41 year, so that’s a drop in the bucket if you count the number of days I’ve been aware of the nightly news. And a as many of you recall a certain Reverend Wright prompted me to write a piece about how black culture is self-destructive in a crab-like way. The analogy being the crab catchers don’t need to put lids on the baskets because if one tries to climb out, the other crabs will pull him back down into the much with the rest of ‘em. This is easily one of the top 5 problems in black culture. This NEED to be display idiocy in public.
So how did Judge Roy display his idiocy and manage to win a Douche of the Year contest? A contest that went from June 1 2007 to June 1 2008? I mean that’s a lot of douches! Well he lives in the Washington D.C. area and his local cleaners had the NERVE to have a sign posted that said “satisfaction guaranteed.” The cleaner owners were a couple of South Korean Immigrants, the Chungs. Well, they lost his pants. And Judge Roy decided to sue using a rarely enforced obscure “consumer satisfaction” law that compounded the lost amount exponentially to the point that he went to court with a 67 million dollar law suit. The cleaners managed to have found the pants AND they offered him 12 THOUSAND DOLLARS. For his PANTS! So he reduced the suit to 54 million dollars. And are you ready for the best part? He worked for the city for 25 years providing “civil legal assistance to indigent residents of the District of Columbia.”