VH1 Celebrity Rehab Five The Summer 2011 Edition-Here We Go Again

I KEEP saying I’m not going to watch this program and I KEEP watching it. But man, this mix of stars is weird. But the FIRST thing that comes to light when the program opens is that 2 alumni have died. I knew Jeff Conaway had died just last month, but I did NOT know that Mike Starr from Alice in Chains had died back in March (2011) according to Wikipedia. Wow, that guy always looked like he would be in the struggle but I guess I didn’t think he would ACTUALLY die from drug use. So as you can see, I’m using a lot of capitalization-that’s how weird I feel about this show. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it exploitative? Is it helping? After 5 years I still can’t get it. Just look at all the articles I’ve written! Am I crazy?

Dr. Drew Celebrity Rehab Fourth Season Reunion/Finale

Heidi Instigates, and Relapses but Tom Cries and Fights on Dr Drew’s VH1 Sober House

Holy Crap Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew Tom Sizemore Heidi Fleiss and Mackenzie Phillips

Sex Rehab With Dr. Drew on VH1. Sex Addicts? For Real?

Surprise! Andy Dick is Not the Issue on Sober House. It’s a Celebrity Rehab Veteran

Hell Yeah! Celebrity Rehab on VH1 is Back

OH MY GOD! Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew

If  you missed any of the season you can pick them up over at Amazon.
Celebrity Rehap past shows

Ok, let’s look at the first episode from this season.
Celebrity Rehab 5
Amy Fisher
The “Long Island Lolita.” I think I was living in New York when this whole thing went down. I know I was there for Dinkins (hell, I voted for him) so I think that was the same time. Later when I was living in Los Angeles and the Buttafuoco’s moved there and then I think they split, and he went and opened a body shop an THEN got involved with Amy again. That might not be the exact order-but you know, I was living my life, so only had a passing knowledge of low level “celebrities.” Anyway Amy’s thing is liquor and porn.

Jeremy Jackson
Wow. Somebody on steroids in 2011. I mean what the hell. Who the hell does he have to impress? With muscles? Who the hell is even impressed with muscles. In a world full of body builders who would be impressed with a muscle guy pushing 40? This is CLEARLY a guy with a mental problem if that’s how he sees the world. But they say he was on Baywatch…and HE says he thought a good body would help is “career.” Jeez, just get the Insanity workout tapes. Woops, need to backtrack, he was ALSO on METH.

Bai Ling
Drinking, stealing, and fighting. Chinese actress, who I think was in something I saw…It was like a French film actually, or it was SHOT in France. And some regular Hollywood stuff, but nothing on my radar. She did something I’ve never seen on the show, when she arrived at the Recovery Center, she couldn’t go in. She also made a little impromptu shrine to her grandmother.

Mike Lohan
Lindsay’s dad. Don’t really need to add much to that.
Sean Young
She’s an interesting case. 80’s 90’s actress, kind of came up during the Cusack era. But listen; her cry for help on this program is like 30 fucking years TOO late. She has been a handful for LONG ASS TIME. LONG. I’m not kidding even when I MYSELF was acting in the late 80’s the word was that she was so much of a handful and erratic as hell. So I really can’t wait to see what her compelled her to come out from under her rock and do this program. Why? Private therapy not an option? Why? I mean, why now? What’s the point? It’s not like her addiction is affecting her career. I guess I’m hard on her because she was in Blade Runner and Dune and I really wanted so much for her and her career.

Steven Adler AGAIN! Man this goes back to the Mike Starr thing. Adler doesn’t look like he’ll ever be clean. Ever. So is a death by drugs in his future.

So Ok I guess that’s enough for now, and I’ll update later in the series.

Holy Crap Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew Tom Sizemore Heidi Fleiss and Mackenzie Phillips

OK I KNOW. I was supposed to stop watching this show. I know! I can’t help it. I need to go to rehab to stop watching this show. So you know this one is going to be RE DUNK U LESS. Oh VH1 why do you torture me?

First, let me tell WHEN the show comes on though, because it’s all over the place. We’ll use EASTERN TIME.

NEW SHOWS; THURSDAYS at 11 AM repeats at 10 and 11 PM and then many more times throughout the week

REPEATS OF PREVIOUS SHOWS; on  THURSDAYS at 9 PM they do last weeks and it repeats 1:30 AM (Friday), and they also do the show from 2 weeks ago at 2:30 AM. Basically on Thursday the show comes on SIX TIMES. Guess what? The new show also repeats at 3:30 AM, so it’s actually SEVEN times.

Dennis Rodman is on the show by COURT order. He shows up first-with his white wife of course. I mean he was a pro ball player so the color of the woman is to be expected, but who knew he was married? That’s the shocker. He looks terrible. During the Dr. Drew interview he actually surprises me AGAIN when he says he’s not a drug user. But he says he drinks. Anyway what comes through is he is locked up mentally. He is refusing this thing on every level.

Mindy McCready. Extreme situation that looks calm on the surface. I’m picking up a severe lying. Look at this long list of pictures of her in distress and she describes as always being somebody fault but her own. And she lies about some drugs she has when she shows up. And I even get the feeling she’s lying about her being attached to her son. Reminds me of my ex-girlfriend. A chronic liar with no real attachment to people. All for show.

One thing that IS INTERESTING is that when Mindy has the seizure they take her to see Dr. Amen. And the Doc is a brain doctor and emotional improvement specialist who did this special on PBS that I wrote about called Change Your Brain and Change Your Life on PBS. Check it out while you’re here…

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Mike from Alice in Chains. Typical. Rock star loses band, has downward spiral. He’s on methadone and coke and heroin when possible. K and LSD too. Two of the people on the show say they use drugs with their father. Now, listen; I’m a city boy and I LOVE living right in the middle of cities. And that means I’ve lived close to meth clinics a LOT. When I lived in Hollywood for 9 years I used to watch them line up for their dose all the time-right next to the Scientology place. Wonder if I ever saw Mike?

Mackenzie Phillips. Son of John Phillips. Incest. I mean what else do I need to say? One of the things she says is she’s one of the first child stars gets on drugs. And as a guy from her time I’d have to say yeah. I mean I grew up on the Mommas and the Pappas AND One Day at a Time. So I literally watched her. When her sister Bijou hit the “scene” I was living in Manhattan and she became a “somebody” who had done nothing. The precursor to Paris Hilton.

Speaking of that lifestyle, next up is Lisa DaMato. So she’s just another typical. Pretty young thing doing drugs. Classic model. Her and Mike are like “classics.” Sex abuse of course. I’m not making light of it, I’m saying it’s really exactly what you expect. The behavior comes from a place, and that place is too common in our culture.

Heidi shows up having used speed THAT DAY. She is of course LA. VERY LA a real local. She went to prison for the whore thing. Then sent Tom to prison for beating on her. She looks a LOT like a close friend of mine. Jewish of course. Her talk with Shelly is a little weird; you can kinda see who she was a madam. She starts quizzing her and sort of assessing her. It’s weird…

Heidi is a lonely lady and didn’t think she’d have any visitors on family day, so it was nice little relief that somebody came to see her.

But don’t get TOO misty eyed about Heidi; remember, she WAS a “Madame.” In LA. And just a refresher course for those of you who don’t know-thousands and thousand and thousands of young people go to LA every year to “make it.” And ending up sucking somebody’s dick or having several people ram a dicks in their ass is not a great success story. And the fact that we give female pimps an elegant sounding name doesn’t change what it is; so keep in mind what she facilitated. “You don’t have any money? Well I can “help” ya, don’t be a baby, stop crying, just go do it, forget about it, see these nice apartment I let you stay in, take a shower, go shopping buy yourself something, it won’t be forever.” I know that rap. I know that rap. I’ve been all over the planet, with about 10 years in Hollywood, and I’ve seen this dance again and again.

So Tom enters the show via a strange run and escape situation. Then finally gets introduced to the cast after some police action kind of forces him to get treatment. He arrives with a small entourage like a real live movie star and these hangers on just kind of stick like flies on shit. He starts by INITIALLY blaming her for his drugs and quick-switches to “oh I was doing heroin before that.”

But when Heidi hears, she just makes a BEELINE to see him. No question where she is going. Straight to see him, is it gonna be a fight? I won’t spoil the surprise for you…

Joey, oy vey! He’s like a meathead from Chicago. I myself am from Chicago. And of course I’m currently IN Chicago. But this guy went to LA and I guess went apeshit. His thing seems to be Jake Daniels, coke and X.

Tom Sizemore didn’t show up in the first episode, but I remember hearing about it when they were taping the show a few months ago. So let’s see how it plays out.

Anyway, the good news is that while the show was on a commercial came on, and it looks like my beloved Salt N Pepa show is coming back except now it’s called “Let’s Talk About Pep.”

Surprise! Andy Dick is Not the Issue on Sober House. It’s a Celebrity Rehab Veteran

Annnnnnnd…we’re back! So Vh1 is up to their old tricks again; convincing celebrities that they’re “helping people by going public with their problems.” This, of course, is a joke. The goal is to make them look AWFUL and embarrassing for the amusement of a spiteful and fickle audience. Ah sweet, sweet, TV. Where would I be without you. In fact…Wait. Let’s stop this train for a second and first let’s talk about ME. See, I can’t believe I’m watching this show. Last year I was even watching Intervention. Here’s the kicker; I don’t do drugs. I don’t even DRINK. On top of all that; I don’t even know people who DO! I mean damn. Why am I watching these shows? What is wrong with me? Oh no! I’m addicted to bad TV! Shit! This is now the 4th or 5th Vh1 show I’ve watched. It started pretty innocent with the Salt N Pepper show (or maybe it DIDN’T start so innocently, it might have been the Flavor Flav Brigete Neilson one), and now I’ve sunken to all these rehab shows.


Actually Sober House caught me off guard. I didn’t’ realize the show was even on the air until last night-with episode 4. Hey, I do have a life. But Sober House has a very different tone. Remorse. That is how Sober House with Dr. Drew is the next step from Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. We’re getting into a new stage with all this. Rehab was more about what brought them to that situation and really admitting they even HAD an issue in many cases. But Sober seems to be about WHY they want to keep clean. And the surprise admission was Andy Dick. He’s of course famous for all his shenanigans. But as a Chicago guy AND an Improv guy myself I’ve watched this guy for years. Like fellow Chicago area comic Kathy Griffin, these guys are close to my age, but they MADE it. So seeing how they’ve handled their fame has been interesting to me. Dick admitted that this is now is TENTH attempt to get clean. But with his son now being 20 years old it’s just sad to still be this kind of father. In the last series of Rehab you heard a few people talk about thins like that like Kitaen and Rodney King, but this was a clear verbalization of that idea.

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So who’s the STAR of the series so far. Well, like I said I came in on episode four and I’m watching episode 3 now, but clearly Steven Adler actually doing HEROIN in the house is the most surprising thing going on.


Steve was carted off to jail in episode 3 but they MADE HIM WATCH himself on video in episode 4. It actually looks weirder than you might think. I’ve SEEN people in real life that didn’t look this weird on H.



OK, I’ve been fooling around a little in the piece. This is all sad. These programs and the reality they reflect is ALL sad. But this most recent episode had model Amber LITERALLY walking into a date rape situation. I cannot begin to tell you how terrible it is to have on this blog a piece where I have a photo of her vomiting her guts up and then ALSO be able to post the image below of her drinking again. I mean that vomit sequence clearly was painful to her. So what kind of pain is so bad, INSIDE, to make her resume drinking again? See what I’m saying? The physical pain was just tossed out the window when weighed against her need to relieve the pain inside. Brutal, dudes.