Oh! That’s Why John Edwards Wasn’t Chosen as the Running Mate

Has it been that long? Wow, john Edwards. Remember him. Man, time waits for no man and it seems like years ago that Edwards was a part of this whole election circus but yeah, he was in it. Anyway I took a gigantic break from writing on this blog, but I didn’t stop thinking about story ideas, so a bunch of things that are now going to start popping up because they’re still vaguely relevant. Take for example this piece you’re currently reading.

Months ago John Edwards dropped out of the race, and at the time he wouldn’t give his endorsement. He was being coy. Ho hum. Then he FINALLY dropped it on Obama, and the event was like the Fourth of July; with these guys holding hands and looking triumphant. And it seemed like a fait accompli that he was going to be the running mate. I even wrote this whole piece about it. A couple of young, progressive, popular guys, one black one white. It was like some awesome Hollywood cop buddy movie. But then…things went quiet about the VP pick, in fact it shifted to Hillary talk after she got knocked out of the race. And I was confused.

I mean I’ll be honest I’m not a long time fan of political things, but like many people have HAD to become other world has just gone to shit. So I thought a I had developed a pretty good grasp of things because I DO have a strong understanding of human behavior. So when Edwards didn’t get the VP pick I was really surprised. Cut to; a few months later and John Edwards is hiding out in a hotel bathroom. But it wasn’t a Republican style closeted gay issue. He had allegedly fathered a child out of wedlock. Well, well, well. Turns out black guys aren’t the only ones. The National Enquire dug up Rielle Hunter AND took pictures. And that’s what happened to Edwards; the vetting process dug her up or he confessed that this shit was about to explode and they took him out(“John, you sure that’s not anything you want to tell us about?” “No. No, why do you ask? Have you heard anything? Well…well, there is one small thing…”). Coulda bin a contenda’!

Is Edwards the Great White Hope for Obama?

I was REALLY torn about what angle to take on this piece. It was either the obvious path I’ve decided to go, OR I was going to make a sort of Police reference and use the opening line “Don’t stand so close to me.” And why would Edwards be apprehensive about standing too close to Obama? Well ever since I was a little black kid all the way until I became a doddering old black man (40!) every single black comic I’ve ever heard has had a routine about a black man becoming president and how very SHORT his term would be with the gag line being about how fast he’ll be shot. So now that this premise has become a real “life imitating art” scenario I DO wonder about the prospect of that happening. But since presidential assassination is sort of an American tradition, I decided NOT take that angle on this piece. I’m trying to bring new idea to the table here!

So instead I want you to consider this premise; John Edwards is being presented as the safe white man who’ll “be there” to keep the ship on course. Just like good ole’ dad holding onto the back of jr’s first bicycle ride. Here’s the deal; have you noticed in the last few weeks how Howard Dean has popped up again like a rejuvenated, hibernating bear? Well, he clearly has been very busy behind the scenes, and one of the things I believe he spent May doing was convincing John Edwards to be Obama’s Vice President.

So Edwards, who repeatedly said (like they all do), that he had no interest in being vice president is doing a considerable amount of VP posturing. That endorsement looks VERY running mate/winning ticket photo op. So you know what this about right? I mean we’re all adults here, so let’s be real. This is how it’s GOT to be playing out in Dean’s mind an the DNC think tank. ”OK, let’s let Clinton and Obama fight it out and whoever seems to pull ahead in a definitive way is who we’ll throw Edwards at.” Because again, let’s be real; Clinton and Obama-a woman and black guy, sure that’s OK for democrats around the country but the Red State people? Get real! I mean really! Get real. No matter HOW sick they are of Bush, no matter HOW much money McCain’s wife wont disclose that she has, no matter how bad McCain’s temper is or how old he is-those Red State people will let this country burn to a cinder before they put a woman or a black guy in office-without a some kind of safety net. ESPECIALLY Bill Clinton’s wife. I mean really! Get real. So what do you do? You slap a standard issue, Southern drawl talkin’ white guy on the ticket. Fait accompli. Despite the tiff that supposedly happened between Obama and Edward’s wife-water under the bridge now that they’re looking at the next 4-8 years doing Air Force 1 flights together.

Meanwhile the temerity to suggest that anybody AT ALL was wondering what Al Gore is going to do with his super delegate vote. AS IF. As if this is a question in any way, shape or form. Listen Gore is NOT Bill Richardson. Gore can’t claim he “paid his debt” to the Clintons. Bill Clinton did a lot for Richardson and Gore, but he made Gore VICE PRESIDENT! There have only been 43 in the history of this country. And let’s face it; after Gore lost people were really ANGRY that he didn’t try a little harder only showed his “human” side after the election. So he spent the next several years doing all kinds of “works for the world” to rebuild his personal capital and become beloved. So if he switches over to Obama…that’ll go down the drain. He’ll revert to persona non grata. I don’t care if Hillary was some old broken whore in some old fashioned Western town, Gore would STILL have to sleep with her. He is DUTY BOUND to slap on 10 rubbers and get into bed with her. And so Gore’s vote is not even up for debate.