VH1 Celebrity Rehab Five The Summer 2011 Edition-Here We Go Again

I KEEP saying I’m not going to watch this program and I KEEP watching it. But man, this mix of stars is weird. But the FIRST thing that comes to light when the program opens is that 2 alumni have died. I knew Jeff Conaway had died just last month, but I did NOT know that Mike Starr from Alice in Chains had died back in March (2011) according to Wikipedia. Wow, that guy always looked like he would be in the struggle but I guess I didn’t think he would ACTUALLY die from drug use. So as you can see, I’m using a lot of capitalization-that’s how weird I feel about this show. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it exploitative? Is it helping? After 5 years I still can’t get it. Just look at all the articles I’ve written! Am I crazy?

Dr. Drew Celebrity Rehab Fourth Season Reunion/Finale

Heidi Instigates, and Relapses but Tom Cries and Fights on Dr Drew’s VH1 Sober House

Holy Crap Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew Tom Sizemore Heidi Fleiss and Mackenzie Phillips

Sex Rehab With Dr. Drew on VH1. Sex Addicts? For Real?

Surprise! Andy Dick is Not the Issue on Sober House. It’s a Celebrity Rehab Veteran

Hell Yeah! Celebrity Rehab on VH1 is Back

OH MY GOD! Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew

If  you missed any of the season you can pick them up over at Amazon.
Celebrity Rehap past shows

Ok, let’s look at the first episode from this season.
Celebrity Rehab 5
Amy Fisher
The “Long Island Lolita.” I think I was living in New York when this whole thing went down. I know I was there for Dinkins (hell, I voted for him) so I think that was the same time. Later when I was living in Los Angeles and the Buttafuoco’s moved there and then I think they split, and he went and opened a body shop an THEN got involved with Amy again. That might not be the exact order-but you know, I was living my life, so only had a passing knowledge of low level “celebrities.” Anyway Amy’s thing is liquor and porn.

Jeremy Jackson
Wow. Somebody on steroids in 2011. I mean what the hell. Who the hell does he have to impress? With muscles? Who the hell is even impressed with muscles. In a world full of body builders who would be impressed with a muscle guy pushing 40? This is CLEARLY a guy with a mental problem if that’s how he sees the world. But they say he was on Baywatch…and HE says he thought a good body would help is “career.” Jeez, just get the Insanity workout tapes. Woops, need to backtrack, he was ALSO on METH.

Bai Ling
Drinking, stealing, and fighting. Chinese actress, who I think was in something I saw…It was like a French film actually, or it was SHOT in France. And some regular Hollywood stuff, but nothing on my radar. She did something I’ve never seen on the show, when she arrived at the Recovery Center, she couldn’t go in. She also made a little impromptu shrine to her grandmother.

Mike Lohan
Lindsay’s dad. Don’t really need to add much to that.
Sean Young
She’s an interesting case. 80’s 90’s actress, kind of came up during the Cusack era. But listen; her cry for help on this program is like 30 fucking years TOO late. She has been a handful for LONG ASS TIME. LONG. I’m not kidding even when I MYSELF was acting in the late 80’s the word was that she was so much of a handful and erratic as hell. So I really can’t wait to see what her compelled her to come out from under her rock and do this program. Why? Private therapy not an option? Why? I mean, why now? What’s the point? It’s not like her addiction is affecting her career. I guess I’m hard on her because she was in Blade Runner and Dune and I really wanted so much for her and her career.

Steven Adler AGAIN! Man this goes back to the Mike Starr thing. Adler doesn’t look like he’ll ever be clean. Ever. So is a death by drugs in his future.

So Ok I guess that’s enough for now, and I’ll update later in the series.

Holy Crap Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew Tom Sizemore Heidi Fleiss and Mackenzie Phillips

OK I KNOW. I was supposed to stop watching this show. I know! I can’t help it. I need to go to rehab to stop watching this show. So you know this one is going to be RE DUNK U LESS. Oh VH1 why do you torture me?

First, let me tell WHEN the show comes on though, because it’s all over the place. We’ll use EASTERN TIME.

NEW SHOWS; THURSDAYS at 11 AM repeats at 10 and 11 PM and then many more times throughout the week

REPEATS OF PREVIOUS SHOWS; on  THURSDAYS at 9 PM they do last weeks and it repeats 1:30 AM (Friday), and they also do the show from 2 weeks ago at 2:30 AM. Basically on Thursday the show comes on SIX TIMES. Guess what? The new show also repeats at 3:30 AM, so it’s actually SEVEN times.

Dennis Rodman is on the show by COURT order. He shows up first-with his white wife of course. I mean he was a pro ball player so the color of the woman is to be expected, but who knew he was married? That’s the shocker. He looks terrible. During the Dr. Drew interview he actually surprises me AGAIN when he says he’s not a drug user. But he says he drinks. Anyway what comes through is he is locked up mentally. He is refusing this thing on every level.

Mindy McCready. Extreme situation that looks calm on the surface. I’m picking up a severe lying. Look at this long list of pictures of her in distress and she describes as always being somebody fault but her own. And she lies about some drugs she has when she shows up. And I even get the feeling she’s lying about her being attached to her son. Reminds me of my ex-girlfriend. A chronic liar with no real attachment to people. All for show.

One thing that IS INTERESTING is that when Mindy has the seizure they take her to see Dr. Amen. And the Doc is a brain doctor and emotional improvement specialist who did this special on PBS that I wrote about called Change Your Brain and Change Your Life on PBS. Check it out while you’re here…

[ad name=”Tom Sizemore Heidi Rehab”]

Mike from Alice in Chains. Typical. Rock star loses band, has downward spiral. He’s on methadone and coke and heroin when possible. K and LSD too. Two of the people on the show say they use drugs with their father. Now, listen; I’m a city boy and I LOVE living right in the middle of cities. And that means I’ve lived close to meth clinics a LOT. When I lived in Hollywood for 9 years I used to watch them line up for their dose all the time-right next to the Scientology place. Wonder if I ever saw Mike?

Mackenzie Phillips. Son of John Phillips. Incest. I mean what else do I need to say? One of the things she says is she’s one of the first child stars gets on drugs. And as a guy from her time I’d have to say yeah. I mean I grew up on the Mommas and the Pappas AND One Day at a Time. So I literally watched her. When her sister Bijou hit the “scene” I was living in Manhattan and she became a “somebody” who had done nothing. The precursor to Paris Hilton.

Speaking of that lifestyle, next up is Lisa DaMato. So she’s just another typical. Pretty young thing doing drugs. Classic model. Her and Mike are like “classics.” Sex abuse of course. I’m not making light of it, I’m saying it’s really exactly what you expect. The behavior comes from a place, and that place is too common in our culture.

Heidi shows up having used speed THAT DAY. She is of course LA. VERY LA a real local. She went to prison for the whore thing. Then sent Tom to prison for beating on her. She looks a LOT like a close friend of mine. Jewish of course. Her talk with Shelly is a little weird; you can kinda see who she was a madam. She starts quizzing her and sort of assessing her. It’s weird…

Heidi is a lonely lady and didn’t think she’d have any visitors on family day, so it was nice little relief that somebody came to see her.

But don’t get TOO misty eyed about Heidi; remember, she WAS a “Madame.” In LA. And just a refresher course for those of you who don’t know-thousands and thousand and thousands of young people go to LA every year to “make it.” And ending up sucking somebody’s dick or having several people ram a dicks in their ass is not a great success story. And the fact that we give female pimps an elegant sounding name doesn’t change what it is; so keep in mind what she facilitated. “You don’t have any money? Well I can “help” ya, don’t be a baby, stop crying, just go do it, forget about it, see these nice apartment I let you stay in, take a shower, go shopping buy yourself something, it won’t be forever.” I know that rap. I know that rap. I’ve been all over the planet, with about 10 years in Hollywood, and I’ve seen this dance again and again.

So Tom enters the show via a strange run and escape situation. Then finally gets introduced to the cast after some police action kind of forces him to get treatment. He arrives with a small entourage like a real live movie star and these hangers on just kind of stick like flies on shit. He starts by INITIALLY blaming her for his drugs and quick-switches to “oh I was doing heroin before that.”

But when Heidi hears, she just makes a BEELINE to see him. No question where she is going. Straight to see him, is it gonna be a fight? I won’t spoil the surprise for you…

Joey, oy vey! He’s like a meathead from Chicago. I myself am from Chicago. And of course I’m currently IN Chicago. But this guy went to LA and I guess went apeshit. His thing seems to be Jake Daniels, coke and X.

Tom Sizemore didn’t show up in the first episode, but I remember hearing about it when they were taping the show a few months ago. So let’s see how it plays out.

Anyway, the good news is that while the show was on a commercial came on, and it looks like my beloved Salt N Pepa show is coming back except now it’s called “Let’s Talk About Pep.”

Sex Rehab With Dr. Drew on VH1. Sex Addicts? For Real?

I’m back! Oh wait a minute, he’s back! Dr. Drew and his collection of stars and pseudo-stars with odd problems. All my regular readers know I SO rarely write for this blog anymore but this last month I made a surprise return and wrote a piece when TLC started going back to the well and breaking out the weird show. And like any creature of habit, having written about the first two “seasons” of the show. So this article will of course be a work in progress. Tonight was the premiere, so there’s not much I can do except give the names of the people on the show and throw up a few pictures, and of course give some early opinions and see how they play out when it’s all done. So let’s get right to it.

Surfer, James. Never heard of him of course, but he looks and acts like a prick. Obviously he’s a real person I know nothing about and he had the balls to try and get some help. Let’s see how he does! But RIGHT off the bat he has a medical exam and the word “cancer” comes up.

James sex rehab

Nicole Norrine. A Playboy model. Clearly some kind of Tiger Woods ethnic mix. So she’s insanely beautiful and masturbates 18 times a day. This is a perfect woman. I will marry her. Sounds like there was incest in her background

Porn Star Jennifer Ketchem with classic porn star syndrome; has no ability to have a real connection with people. Wants to have rough (distant) sex and can’t be intimate

Phil Varone drummer for Skid Row claims a head count (pussy count) of more than 3000. Whoppee! Dr. Drew gets him crying in 30 DAMN seconds!!! Hahahahahaha.

Kari Anne Peneshe a former Miss Teen, so I’m thinking of Travis from Blink 182’s wife now. Another intimacy issue masturbator. First thing out of her mouth is I was molested as a child then raped twice-but it doesn’t bother me. So of course I guess Egypt is going to be her theme. You got that right little pun right? DENIAL. Man she can’t even DO her initial interview. She can’t talk about issues, she can’t even LISTEN to them ask questions.

ANOTHER porn star Kendra Jade. Now her I have heard of. Seems like I first heard about her on Howard Stern being involved with Jerry Springer-can’t confirm that part but I’m sure I heard about her on Stern. She suffers from the “soft” version of what the other porn star has-self destruction to relationships. But she IS married so she’s probably in a slightly better place than the rest.

Duncan Roy is a Brit who I guess is supposed to add a touch of class. But since his thing is sex with ”straight guys” I guess he’s adding a TOUCH OF ASS. But very real and new issues come up; chronic and internet based masturbation.

And Amber Theissan is back. Of course. I think this is like her third time. But in that last series I KNEW she was in some kind of sex trouble when one of the scenes looked like a date rape situation.

amber smith

Counselor Jill and manager Thelma are the staff who are here for this go around. So looking at the previews it looks like it’s going to be a pretty VOLATILE series. I’ll be back to fix spelling and add pictures…..

Art therapy week

So last night’s episode was an odd one. Dr.Drew’s Rehab shows tend to include at least 2 field trips. So this was the groups first big outing. They went to what I assume was a space maintained or rented by a therapist who  specializes in aggression/repression issues. And they threw some shit  around. I mean basically what’s what happened. Dr. Drew went along of course.

Dr Drew art therapy

Some very real things happened despite the sort of contrived nature of the environment. Obviously not much was REALLY going to be accomplished but TV is a visual medium and therapy and recovery are pretty much just talking and thinking-but that wouldn’t make for much of a show. So the rocker let out some rather personal feelings.

Phil Varone

But the highlight of the night was Amber. And no that’s not muppet semen, that’s her letting everything hang out and a good old fashion paint splash.

Amber muppet semen

So how effective do you think something like this is?

crash therapy

Let’s do a little comparison.

Let’s take a look at the show Intervention on A & E. That show is also in the genre of “tv therapy.” But it won and Emmy Award in 2009. And let me show you why. Below are some picture of a woman named Allison from an episode that came on the same night as Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew.

Allison 1Allison 2

Now let me be clear about this. The people on Dr. Drew’s shw and the people on Intervention all have problems. Real problems. But how each show decides to deal with those people is kind of night and day.

Allison is very much like Amber from the VH1 shows. She’s got multiple problems. Sexual abuse issues, parent issues, prostituting herself, self destructive behavior. The works. But these Dr. Drew shows approach is that you SEE the therapy. And Intervention is all about getting the person TO the therapy. And the VH1 shows, I think, downplay the long slow work of recovery. It’s and abbreviated in and out and now we’re done  kinda of thing. They MIGHT spend 3 minutes talking about what it took to get the celebrity to the environment. Same with impact on the family.

Intervention really emphasizes family pain. Here’s Allison’s mother.

mother sad

The grandmother


The sister


The show talks about how these girls were molested but one sister eventually had a sort of internal cave-in decades later and it all started with using inhalers as a drug.


And I know that seems like a mild drug, but DUDE, look at this face.


Not to mention the fact that she also takes razor blades to herself.


So what am I saying? Well, pain is pain. No doubt about it and I’m no stranger to it. It’s all about show approach though. And I’ll be honest I’m planning on making a movie next year and “get famous.” But let’s just say, when I finally DO crack  and the shit does finally hit the fan for, me I’d rather end up on Intervention than a Dr. Drew show.