The ONLY Reason I Know About ANY Women Tennis Players is Serena

Listen, I’m not gonna lie I’m an ass man. So I only know about tennis at ALL because of Serena’s big and POWERFUL ass. It does look like it could do things, right? Like crush cans, or pick up marbles or maybe allow her to walk without using her legs! Just butt-cheek walking. But I hung around and watched the games. In fact I’ve put in nearly ten YEARS of watching the women’s games (and some men games). But, as you probably already know; the men’s game goes like this; hotshot wins for a long time followed by another hotshot who wins all the time. And it’ll take 3 to 4 hours to do it. So it’s a boring, unsexy, waste of time. Time I don’t have. So I started watching women’s tennis. And you know, almost unanimously they’re all good looking and you can expect something weird to happen. Like the awesome Hantuchova’s break down, or the Hingis stabbing, or the risqué modeling of Kournikova, or the flat out upcoming Playboy spread with Harkleroad. Plus they play tennis too, somewhere in there. Seriously I DO watch the tennis part too.Check out the photo…

And I DO remember seeing Venus on the local news when she was a little girl and people talking about “stars of tomorrow.” She was playing and these beads were swinging around. But I didn’t think much of it. Then those late 90’s US Opens happened and I saw her grown up and it was like watching Jordan (and I don’t even LIKE basketball). But to see somebody so fluid and so skilled and at the time WAY more “fit” looking than anybody playing the game was just mesmerizing. And that was it; women’s tennis took off, and became something. Women’s basketball I’m sure is praying for a similar moment. And as time has gone on, women’s tennis has even shown up in weird places like today’s episode of the popular cartoon Ben 10. I call this image “Ben Tennis.”

Do I harbor a dream that I’ll one day be able to get my hands on that chunky ass? Oh yeah. And YES, I know that she and her sister have primarily, if not EXCLUSIVELY, been sighted only with white men, and YES I know they’ll both probably end up with white men. But that’s not a surprise, most successful black women are going white, in fact most successful women are going white (don’t even get me started on the Asian woman thing!). But check it, I’m currently getting internet RICH and I’ve got a movie on the way so there is a REMOTE chance for a love connection! Plus right now she’s supposed to be with fellow Chicagoan, fellow black man and fellow big ass lover Common.


IN a post not TOO long ago I talked about Serena’s abysmal loss at the hands of somebody she should NOT have lost to, and yet here we are again with both sisters losing EARLY at Roland Garros. I go to visit my friends tennis themed blog and VENUS is out! Then I read yesterday’s news that SERENA is out too. And I’m like-what? They’re both out already? I mean I feel like I just dropped somebody off at the stadium and said I’m going to park the car, stop by the concession stand and I’ll meet you. But then I get to my seat and people are walking out. It’s over. It’s over! I really can’t believe they’re BOTH done already. So this is it. I’ve been tentative and hinting but this is it. They’re done.

The obvious thing that a bunch of writers and tennis pros talk about is all the glitz and glam being a major source of distraction. But I put it to you Your Honor that that stuff is the symptom . The disease is that their sister died, and their parents got divorced. No core, no tennis. They had momentum, they had foundation, they had a system. Out the window. In the Williams family it’s become a far more fractured team effort. It’s not quite every (wo)man for him/herself. But I don’t think it’s as much about everybody being focused on the two tennis stars being number one anymore. The money, the properties around the world, the various households, the split opinions about how their careers should go, the individual interests and personal goals are just all over the map without the family being on stable ground.

I have talked on my friend’s blog about tennis about the women in tennis having a short life expectancy. It is just a flat out fact that we can pretty much expect a rise, a height of play and then a decline that goes from about 15 years old to around 25. And after 25 you’re going to see a waning ability to win followed by a surprise retirement. EVERY single woman that retires is a surprise tennis fans. In the last 5 years I’ve watched one player after another leave the game and all the commentators express their disbelief that it’s happening. The pattern is quite clear; a new group of players hit the scene that makes them have to try harder, they meet some guy and/or want to have a baby, they get hurt and that’s it. They leave the game. I’ve only been watching since 1999 or so I see it. How can anybody else NOT see it?

Prognosis; both Williams will “shock” the tennis world and leave within 2 years. I don’t want it to happen, but what else can happen? They keep claiming that THIS time they’re serious about the game and not distracted by all their projects. They even show up to the matches without injury and in good shape AND STILL LOOSE. So they’re done. The 10 year cycle has run. I and probably lots of others hoped for a long career, but they burned bright and burned out fast.

9 thoughts on “The ONLY Reason I Know About ANY Women Tennis Players is Serena

  1. “Like crush cans, or pick up marbles or maybe allow her to walk without using her legs! Just butt-check walking”

    LOL, LOL, LOL, oh goodness. I’m over here rolling. Thanks for the release.

    And seeing Jo-Wilfried Tsonga run around for 3 to 4 hours is straight up orgasmic.

    This is in line with what you originally said, and a lot of it holds water. For me, yesterday’s events were the most true signs of the sisters demise that I have ever seen.

    I am still of the mindset that if they get “real” coaches, it’s not too late to make changes. But, they need to go and sit down and think on this for awhile.

  2. Hey Sheila
    Yeah I feel like Mulder at this point “I want to believe.”

    But it took them a lifetime to build up the momentum for that first big push, and they don’t have to go back to square one-but trying to find that momentum again…

  3. You know, my one regret is that I never played Tennis in high school. I play matches a couple of times per week now, but I could’ve been so much better… (plus, as you point out, girls that play tennis are hot).

    Oh well.

  4. Hi Ann
    Thanks for visiting-you’re actually comment “number 1” since getting my blog back a couple of hours back (hijacked by hackers!).

    But I realize now I might have to live without Serena BUT I actually gave serious consideration to moving to Brazil…

  5. I actually used to peep zina garrison back in the day but she never really won. then one day i saw this little black girl with braids and beads playing and i was like who is this? of course it was venus and she was good but she made a lot of double faults and mistakes that is why she could not win a lot when she first came out. the older she and serena got the better they got and introduced power to the game, shutting out players that were not strong enough like martina hingis. so we had William sisters and davenport and capriatti with power games then poof now the William sisters are the only top American females left. now the female game is full of Russians. when the Williams leave America will have no top female players. and not to offend anyone but a lot of the female tennis players are “buther faces” nice bodies till you get to the face like jankovic including the golden girl sharapova.

    • Hey thanks for the visit and comments Kenny. I had the EXACT same process for learning about them (described elsewhere on this blog) and you’re right, it’s all about the Eastern Europeans right now because they’re the only people “hungry” enough to play at that level. Poverty makes great athletes.

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